


The Mumbling Man

by InfernoMerrick



Category: Conspiracy Research Club (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 09:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20758292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernoMerrick/pseuds/InfernoMerrick
Summary: A new mystery appears at the Conspiracy Research Club's door. Brainwashing? Killer Clowns? UFOs? The answer could be simpler.





	The Mumbling Man

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Good morning. Keep yourself safe from skinwalkers, and teachers working for the system that confiscate your research notes.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We've received a letter this morning. Not in the mailbox we set up outside the club, mind you.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
I stayed up all night playing games at school again. I heard someone knock on the door, and then suddenly it was morning!  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
I feel bad for your sleep schedule.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
There was a tall guy at the door. He mumbled something, handed me the letter, and left.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Katya said the person knocking wasn't a student.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Actually, too old to be one.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Here's what we got.  


I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. THEY'RE COMING. IT SAID SO ON THE TV. THE MEN, THEY COME FROM NOWHERE TO TAKE AWAY OUR KIDS. RUN.

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Safe to say he was becoming aware of the government's tactics to spy Americans citizens through their TVs.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
He also gave me an address. I'm texting it to you.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Thank you. I'll just skip classes, and go after lunch. Can't fight Reptilians on an empty stomach.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
Don't skip school.  


2 hours later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Lunch was good. The lunch lady said I was too pale, and gave me an extra serving.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Nothing beats Monday's lunch!  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Those chicken fingers should be named a national treasure.  


20 minutes later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
The man said there was an empty lot we should investigate. I didn't wake up this morning to get kidnapped and brainwashed, so I brought Jaime.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We already have school for that.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
You sure no one at school reads this?  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Be careful, guys.  


30 minutes later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We're arriving at the address.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We're here. Looks a bit different from pictures.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Did you use Street View?  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
Luna said they were gonna steal her personal data and use it to insert subliminal messages adjusted to her psyche.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
I lent her my phone.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
They can't get to you, Jaime.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We're going in now.  


10 minutes later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
The place looks like a regular abandoned deposit, dust is still settled on the shelves. If there was any incriminating evidence lying around, it was disposed of a long time ago.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
You think something shady was going on there?  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
I think I heard something.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
Sorry, I kicked an empty can.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
No killer clowns this time. Be on the lookout for big supermarket chains promoting mineral water laced with chemicals. #DownWithMineralGoNatural  


20 minutes later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We're out. The place was getting too hot.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Oh.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
…  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
Not that way.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
Totally not that way.  


30 minutes later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
We'll be checking mailbox tomorrow. I'm dead tired from biking.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
You should join a sports club.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Oh wait.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Something just in. Come to the clubroom.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
If this is related to clowns again. Retweet so clowns don't visit you tonight.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
Surprise!  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
Happy birthday!  


10 minutes later

**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
I’d like to make a correction: I’ve just been just informed the “letter man” never existed. While Jaime and me were away chasing after what we thought was a lead, Katya set up decorations in our club and even got me a cake.  


**Katya Petrikov @CRC_Katy**  
It has little UFOs on top, and the filling is green.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
I’m more of the idea of gray extraterrestrials, but it’s the thought that counts.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
I’ll come back later to answer your questions. Jaime wants to eat the rest of MY cake.  


**Jaime Taylor @CRC_Jaime**  
You said you didn't like the filling.  


**Luna Gardner @CRC_Luna**  
The color. I said, the color.  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm not the biggest CRC fan but I liked the concept, and wanted to write something different. The formatting took 2+ hours, if you want a tutorial on how to do it, just ask.


End file.
